Summer is Over

Well, I would say we are past the 'transition stage' of moving.  Mickey's birthday has passed, I've began therapy sessions at the school (past the scheduling nightmare), and we now have some cooler temps.  Madeline cut her hair, Amelia is beginning to remind me of myself as a little girl more and more. We ate at Cracker Barrel tonight and I'm actually able to enjoy a meal out with the kids.  We have made several trips in our plane, and it has been great seeing family.  Took Grandpa for a ride in the plane last weekend and it was great.  It was  a nice visit and I enjoyed being out in the country.  I think about living in the country everyday.  I go into work tomorrow. Don't usually work on Mondays, but we're planning a flight to Oklahoma next weekend.  I don't know how that will be considering it's 6 hours over there.. It will all depend on the kids...We'll see if the weather holds out.

Getting Settled In

Its always somewhat rough making a transition.  Adjusted to the time change though and getting a sufficient amount of rest.  I am frustrated tonight...I am sick of change. I am sick of how complicated it seems life has to be.  I don't like being alone with three kids every time Travis has to leave for this or that for two weeks at a time every other month.  So sick of it.  If I were in a place long enough to feel like it was home, then maybe I wouldn't mind him leaving all the time.  I don't know.  I am tired. I'm going to get my cereal.  Another day tomorrow.  It's so weird how you never know what direction your life is going in...what you'll experience, who you'll meet, how things will play out.  It can be so difficult to make good decisions based on experiences you haven't yet had.  The girls turned three last Saturday.

money from grandma Jones

licking icing off cake decorations :) 

In twin falls, Idaho on our trip with the cessna at snake river

cake = happiness

3rd time across the country...

Well, I guess not everyone can say that they've traveled across the country three different ways.  This is me being positive.  We made across to Virginia with all of our belongings and the kids...and all pretty exhausted.  Two days later we flew back on Southwest airlines, and now tomorrow, we leave in our little Cessna.  It is 8:36 here in Olympia, WA, but it feels like 11:36...as I just got adjusted to Eastern time.  I took some good pics of the country..Montana and South Dakota were my favorites.  I am ready for bed.  I have been in pretty much an exhausted state for the last week.  It reminds me of having infants.  I don't like it.  I am a little excited for our first real trip in the airplane. I'm afraid I will tire of it quickly though.  I just want to settle back into a schedule and  am feeling a little homesick tonight.  I am tired of hotels.  I am tired of spending money on hotels.  Well, turning in for the night.  Will post pics of trip soon.

Gettin' Dirty!

So. These are pictures from the sandbox the other day.  After I made them put some of their clothes back on.  Upon arriving at the sandbox seeing my two daughters completely naked...I asked why it was they took their clothes off.  Amelia had two words for me as she dumped a bucket of sand down her chest..."Gettin' dirty."

Some things I am proud of...

While driving to work, I was doing an exercise in positive thinking and came up with a list of things I am proud of.  I will share the following: :)

I am Proud that...

#1:  each of my children eat about a pound of greens and veggies every week
#2:  as a result...none of my children have ever been to the doctor (except shots)
#3:  I (together with my husband) bought an airplane before we turned 30
#4:  I survived my husband's deployment with 1 yr. old twins and pregnant
#5: All of my vehicles are paid for
#5: We have two investment properties
#6: I try not to yell as much when I get angry somewhat recently: I have been somewhat successful
#7: I survived three years in the Pacific Northwest
#8: I don't have cable tv
#9: I only miss cable tv a little
#10: My husband is the best water pistol shot within a 5-mile radius

Big Changes Back Home

One day left this week, then a full week next week, then I'm done with work. Seems great and crazy at the same time.  It has been quite an adventure this year working with the preschoolers.  They had a lot to offer..and I tried to soak up as much as possible while I've been here.  So, about back home...my parents decided to put the house up for sale this summer in with the prospect of living in a town a bit more East in PA.  A little warmer weather,  a little less yard to maintain, and a little closer to my brothers :) None of us thought it would probably happen, but some guy offered full price last week..and so that's it.  It's gone.  It's a bit sad to see a place you spent many years sold.  Having said that, change is the essence of life in so many ways.  That's why it is easier if one is not attached to earthly 'things' and is able to enjoy the ride that is life.  Change only becomes difficult when we dwell too long on the sadness of our loss and neglect to attend to the excitement of what is new! I will miss my house.  I feel as if I have lost so many 'things' that made my life was it was just a mere three years ago.  I know though, that I would not be happy today if I would have clung to what my life used to be just a mere three years ago.  It is better to follow our ambitions then to regret not having done so.  At least that's what I heard once.  Sounds right to me.  Or maybe it was "Don't regret the mistakes you've made, only regret the mistakes you have not." Well, that doesn't sound right, but I guess the gist of it is, don't let fear prevent you from making change, because then you'll only have regret that you didn't try...which I guess is worse!  Oh wow, that was much talk about not much :)

 

On Post

It was near 70 today.  The kids and I drove into Post for the great playground and also ended up a little wet from the water park beside.  The kids had a blast.  It was lots of fun to do something we haven't done in what seems like ages. :) Will add pics tomorrow.  Well, it's four days later now, and the pics are still on my phone.  The problem is I have to find the little cord thing to connect the phone to the computer. and I'm not very good at keeping track of things.  I am tired. Found the cord. This top pic is from home, either the same day as the water park or the previous or following day...Fun in the sprinkler! 

Warming up!

To the Space Needle!

 I wanted to post pics from our trip to Seattle a couple weekends ago.  We had lunch in the oldest (rotating?) restaurant in the US. from what they told us...and walked over to a huge fountain down the street in City Center (I think) which was pretty fun.  It was something different to do and I was glad to have made it to the Space Needle before we left WA.  Expensive lunch, but a fun trip. I 'm glad I didn't hear how much it was going to cost before we ate, b/c we probably would have left :) Luckily Mickey was throwing a bit of a fit and I could hear!  It was definitely worth the experience and views overall.  We also got to go out on the observation deck for no additional charge. 

first flight

Since last writing, we finally managed to get all five of us up in our plane.  It was pretty exciting, and none of the kids cried.  The girls were pretty tentative and Mickey wanted to sit on my lap.  Overall, it was pretty neat to be up in the air and to realize it was our own plane taking us on this new adventure.  I will add some pictures in the next day or two.  Other than that, the kids' bedtime has been permanently extended about 45 minutes.  Instead of 6:30, their new bedtime is now 7:15.  They just seem ready to have a little longer day.  Their nap has also been cut back to about an hour to an hour and a half.   Mickey still sleeps two.  That is pretty significant.  A pretty big change for us.  Only three more weeks of work. Two more weeks for Travis.  AFter I finish work, only about one week until we load all our crap up and drive on out of this rainforest area.  :)  That makes me very happy.  :)

Time to Catch Up

fun in the tent

Haven't felt like writing since Easter, but tonight I do.  We had a sunny day yesterday and as well today.  It feels like a tease, however, I'd rather have it, then not at all.  Travis says I should be more optimistic, so there you go.  Since Easter, well, nothing significant has happened...oh yeah, a couple things.  I've switched sitters again.  Won't go into the details of why as I'm remaining positive, but our neighbor is watching them now..and I feel much better. She's over 19 (35) which is a big change in a sitter and I'd say a good one.  I really can't deal with the new, lazier version of people in their late teens/early 20's.  I swear they have no communication skills (and don't even pretend to make an effort) and just expect that it's no big deal when they do a shitty job, like nobody ever expected anything out of them.  I just can't stand most young people right now, trying to hold a conversation with someone playing on their phone half the time you're talking is beyond annoying to me.  It's like they've lost the ability to treat people with respect.  The person on the phone is now more important then the person standing in front of them.  I'm sure that person on the phone is more important, because they'd clearly rather be talking to that person than you! Well, so much for my positive attitude.  Travis doesn't read this anyhow.  There are some pics from some outside pics from our warm weather days and some other random.  It's weird watching little kids grow up.  It makes you feel like time is going by even faster then it is because they change so fast.  

they told me these were pirate hats???

dress-up fun

his first car haha

Egg hunting and Church

We had a pretty good day.  I took a one-hour nap.  I didn't want to get up, but the girls really wanted their biscuits, so I finally peeled myself out of bed.  Thanks Mom for freezing up those chicken pieces and the chicken soup.  I added some seasoning, thickened it up, made the biscuits, and voila, Easter dinner.  No sides.  Well, applesauce.  A sorta homely dinner for Easter, but everyone was satisfied with their 'bisbits' as the girls call them.

Everyone just got into bed and I was just sitting here on the couch.  I did go to church this morning with Madeline. She was very good. She only said loudly "I want to leave now" a few times.  I told her to whisper it next time.  Everyone found their baskets this morning, with only a little help, well, a lot of help.  We walked down to the lake and they played by the water, on the dock, and on the hill by the bushes and the brush.  Overall, it was a pretty good day.  I will add some pictures from the egg-hunt yesterday, which was a gloriously warm, sunny day.

Easter is tomorrow.  We aren't having a traditional Easter dinner.  I don't know exactly all what we're having tomorrow, but it will be food. I know that.  Taking one of the girls to church with me.  I think.  I have been thinking a lot about it and can't quite decide.  So, I don't know.  I've been trying really hard to keep work out of my head.  I think 2 more days, and the stress will be gone.  Then, after three days of work, I'll need 4 days to de-stress again.  Good think I only have to do this 8 more times!   No, i'm hoping it might get better. But I'm not holding my breath.  I hope everyone at home has a nice Easter.  We colored eggs today and Travis took them over to the Easter Bunny and he hid them in our yard.  Amelia really wanted to go with Travis to take the eggs to him, but the Easter Bunny is a really busy bunny and doesn't have time to meet Amelia.  But he brought her back a message.  "Thanks for the eggs."  She was satisfied.

cake and icecream

It was Travis' birthday yesterday.  Now we're both 29.  The girls were far more excited for the birthday then Travis...for the cake and ice cream of course.  The last precious year in the twenties.  I feel like I'm already at least 35.  I think it's because I'm not in good shape anymore, I don't have the time or money to just go shopping all the time buying clothes that compliment my body, and my mindset is not what it used to be before I had all these kids.  I guess it's true what they say, it's not how old you are, it's how old you feel.  I guess it goes both ways. Sometimes old people feel young and sometimes young people feel old.

We went on a walk tonight and Mickey was begging me to pick him up...and after while I did. He wasn't asking at the time. After I picked him up, he kissed both my cheeks, then kissed me on the lips.  Well, I guess he's already got me figured out. :) I thought it was funny.

Work continues to be just ridiculous.  No new news there.  I don't really want to talk about work though.  I have almost nothing positive to say about it.  It is still paying.  That's positive.  Also, I'm leaving exactly 8 weeks starting next week.  Soon, I will have a new job and new annoyances to come with it!  Luckily, it seems like it will be better than my present job only because I don't know what those annoyances will be yet! I guess there's that hope that it will be almost perfect! :)  Ha, doubtful, but I still have unreasonable, optimistic thoughts about it!

So, what else is new?  Tomorrow I'm mailing in all my paperwork for my license in Virginia, and hopefully there is no problems and that is the last I have to deal with it.  Oh, Travis is also doing his final examination or check ride on the third of May. He will officially have his license and we will all be free to fly in our plane together!

sunny day

"my tummy is sooo hungry!"

 Well, I've been back in WA for about a week I guess.  It was a busy, stressful week at work.  Travis is on leave for a couple weeks until May and so it will be nice to have a little extra time together on the days I'm off.  My hormones have been nasty lately, and I have been angry and sad, depending on the moment, over the last few days.  This afternoon, I'm feeling surprisingly back to normal.  Thank God.  Sometimes I think it is just God who decides when and what my hormones will do to me.  So, we had our first camp fire in the backyard this evening with the kids...Mickey ate so many marsh mellows, he actually threw down the last half of his last one.  He only had 3, (because he stole them out of the bag and fought for them with his life) but then he was begging for some oatmeal I had warmed up and brought outside. Only one of my three kids will eat a hotdog.  Amelia.  She LOVES her food! She asked me to take a picture of her tonight standing by the food.  She cracks me up.  The girls are getting excited about Easter, looking forward to coloring eggs and then finding them out in the yard.  (they've been reading Corduroy's Easter a lot lately in anticipation)  I am also in anticipation of something, not Easter, but our move to Virginia, and already have 6 large boxes of stuff packed up.  I tell you, it's been a relief to get some of the extra stuff sitting around the house out of the way!  We won't have as much storage in our new house on Post, and I'm beginning to wonder what we're going to do with some of this stuff we keep under the house, in our garage..etc...I hope we at least have a little attic space or something at this new place.  I am so excited to get out of here....This will be the first Christmas that we won't have babies around..We'll be able to decorate the ENTIRE tree without worrying about anyone taking off the bulbs, etc...  I am excited to be a family with no babies.  Everything is going to be a little easier :)  We will also be closer to my brother, and we will have a lot of fun when he comes.  I am still working on getting a job and am currently getting my Virginia state licensure, which is no quick, easy task.  Well,  I really love this new blanket i'm sitting with right now.  I better get going. I will add a picture from the camp fire this evening.

Mickey in marshmellow heaven

      practicing for the Easter egghunt                                       

 

Decision made

So, we'll be living in a house on Post. Fort Eustis. It's done.  Now I just need to work on getting a job over the next couple months.  I am ready to see the kids again..I guess.  I want to see them, but I don't wish to go back to the busy, demanding schedule back home.  It has been really nice here...we played pool and darts last night...been taking naps,  working out, swimming a little... I'm wondering if I will go into shock when I have to return to 'the schedule.'  Probably not.  I have many trip to and from the airport over the next week after returning home.  The trip home, the trip to take my Mom back the following day and the trip to pick up Travis Thursday night.  Well, the weeks are counting down until we go.  Only 10 weeks left.  I like the area and am excited to know where we will be and I'm hoping I'll like my new job!

In Virginia

Looking for a job. Looking for house.  Soon, will be looking for a new babysitter.  It rained today.  I could just scream.  Supposed to be warmer tomorrow.  Sounds like the kids have been behaving pretty well so far.  Just give them a couple more days.  So, we think we're NOT buying a home here.  Looking to rent or live on post.  I worked out today a bit.  Felt really good.  Plan on working out everyday i'm here.  At least some.  I keep thinking about that 5-hour airline ride back home.  Well, going to check out post tomorrow and continuing to job search.  We ate at Carrabas tonight and it was VERY good :)

pretty tired

Well, it's Saturday-2 days since Travis left for Virginia.  The kids drove me crazy today.  I feel like their toys are taking over the house.  They spread them throughout the house like it's their job.  Mickey is whining and fussing about every 10 seconds, and there is never a quiet moment with the girls.  But, oh well.  I just hope they are good when I'm in Virginia.  I'm really tired now.  I'm gonna get my snack and go to bed. bye

It's been awhile.

Well, it's been almost a week.  It feels like lots of things have happened and changed at home and work.  I don't have much time, but we bought a wii, which has been pretty fun. Especially since I've been winning our tennis matches.  Work has continued to be chaotic, but some of my working relationships with the preschool teachers have improved.  I am learning more and more all the time.  The chaos makes the days fly by...and the weekends are moving slow.  That is, because of the rain.  Many of the rivers around are nearing flood points.  I'm not sure of the last day we had sun for more than an hour or so.  Lately, it's been a few minutes.  Not today though, no sign of the sun.  It didn't matter though, I was just in the school anyhow.  We did spend a little time outside today though cause it was just drizzling and hovering around 50.  It's supposed to be almost 60 tomorrow, but raining. The rain is supposed to clear out for most of the weekend, however; it will cool down.  Of course, we wouldn't want the sun and enjoyable temperatures.  So, Mickey is imitating more and more words. The latest is 'hug.' :) Our new chicks are really cute.  We hatched them for the lady who is letting us keep our chickens on her farm.  Not much else is new... The girls are excited to see you this weekend, mom.  Madeline keeps telling me we will cross over this troll bridge to get to the airport.  We will make sure to take the cell phone this time.  We will make sure.  It will be easier with the kids at the airport this time, though.  It will be easy.  I will bring the double jogger and just stuff them all in it.  :)  Well, i gotta really pee and then finish cleaning the kitchen.  One more day at work before Spring Break, but I'm afraid I'm already on break.  It will be interesting to see how tomorrow goes.  Tomorrow is Travis's last day home. He will leave early Friday before I wake up.  Then it will be me and the kids Friday and Saturday. Picking up you at the airport on Sunday, then I'm leaving on Monday.  It will be so nice to be back on the East Coast for a little visit..especially knowing we will be moving there more permanently in just a few months!  There are so many things I am looking forward to, and mostly the warm weather.  It will be weird renting a house after having our own here, but it should save a lot of headache for when we go to leave.   Well, better get going! I brought the keyboard into the house the other day and have been looking at some new fugues. I figure it must be good exercise for my brain :)  I think not getting enough rest and leisure time really takes a toll on my memory and I tend to spell things funny and use the wrong words when I'm talking lately..and not even realize it!  oh well.

Alone again

Mick before haircut

Travis is flying tonight. AGAIN.  He has flown 3 nights in the last 10 days.  I just figured that out.  It feels worse then it sounds.  Last night he was flying and I was EXHAUSTED by time I got the kids in bed.  I should be reading and thinking on what I'm going to say tomorrow at parent conferences.  I have about 6 or 7 to be at, and then 3 or 4 phone conferences I guess.  It feels very cold in the house right now.  I wonder what I'll wear tomorrow?  I try to look professional when I meet with parents, but never look professional when I'm not.  Professional, that is..dressed up.  I won't get that dressed up though...it's too uncomfortable, plus, the parents might expect too much out of me.  I always dress according to how much knowledge and feedback I have to share.  Tomorrow I think it will just be a pair of jeans and a presentable shirt.  The last conference I was at I just ended up telling the parent to limit the amount of television her child is watching and questioned whether or not she was doing activities with her child at home that required sustained attention.  She said she was doing activities that required some attention and that she does sit with him and comments on the 'couple hours' of television she previously mentioned that he watches every day.  That was JUST  a couple hours of television he watches each day.  Geez, and it's like all this information is right in our face, but some people just are seeing it.  I was just thinking... "gee, two hours is a long time to watch children's television."  Parenting is tough and nobody is perfect at it, but I would hope to see more effort at least being put forth.  I mean these are people's lives we are shaping and affecting...not a dog or some fish.  That's what I think more people should have..dogs or fish if they want something to take care of...depending on their level of commitment... I see more 'fish' people then dog.

Mick after his haircut

I better get going so I have something constructive to say to these 'fish' people tomorrow. Besides, it's 8:30 and I haven't eaten dinner yet.  The kids haven't made a peep since I put them down though:) I have been a little firmer with the girls lately, and they are fighting with their fists up.  Nothing I can't handle...a little pee on the floor and some yelling.  I guess I would think something was wrong if they didn't respond with a little opposition.  I want them to learn to be respectful to me and each other, but after all, I'd rather them put up a fight and then lose, than have not tried at all.  At least I know they won't be 'run-over' by the first person that tries to tell them what to do...that bossy kid on the playground will probably be the first... Amelia might not understand when they don't care that she's peed her pants and Madeline will probably just knock the kid down.  (not that I will condone that)  haha

Another weekend.  It's Friday.  The girls are surprising me every day with their creative, imaginative play and their funny little observations of life...from their wonderful 2-year-old perspectives.  Amelia shared with us the fact that a swing takes her up into the air the other day as she rode up on Travis's shoulders on our walk.  Over the past few weeks I have seen a change in them.  They are nearing 3 years old now, and I just can't believe it, however; they are helping me step into reality with their newly determined mind-set and their increasingly complex ideas they are coming up with in play.  I can't believe how it seems just the other day that I was washing diapers for 3 babies...thank God I'm not anymore...but it does seem like just the other day.  Well, it has only been just about 6 months..so i'm not all that far off.

Travis and I bought a new game the other night.  We're kinda picky when it comes to board games, but we settled on Battleship the other night for $14.  It was much cheaper than the fancy edition of Scrabble that we picked up last year.  We've played 2 times.  It's 1:1.  I don't normally like to play board games or card games unless I'm winning.   I'm just a bit juvenile that way.  Travis doesn't seem to mind.  He doesn't really like to sit and talk or read about things that interest me.  Russian history and culture, speech and language stuff, or about the lives of composers. It doesn't really appeal to him, and so we play board games...and he lets me win sometimes.  I guess it's a compromise.  He isn't permitted to admit he's letting me win, however.  That would take the fun out of it.  Well, I'm supposed to be looking for a movie for us to watch tonight, so I better go. I think he's coming in soon.  Good night! I had to come back and add one more thing.  I heard the girls talking in their room and Madeline says "I can't see in my room"  Amelia responds " The moon will help you see in your room." Madeline:  " I cannot see in  my room." A: "the moon will help you see."  M: "I need a flashlight." A: "yes, you do.  A flashlight will help you to see."  M: I will help you to see with a flashlight, Amelia." A: "You will help me to see with a flashlight, Madeline!?"  M: "yes, I will."  A: "oh thank you Madeline." M: "your welcome."

2 posts, 1 day.

Travis is flying tonight.  Check ride for night vision, or something like that.  So, it's just me in the silence...well, it was silent. Someone evidently just got an 'ouchie.' Ok. well, it's back to work tomorrow.  It was an odd day because Travis was home half the day and now not home tonight.  I hope tomorrow I am going back to work a little more prepared then when I left last week.  Since having a family and also being a military family, I am noticing that it is not only kids, but myself as well that can appreciate a consistent schedule.  I feel so out of sorts when things are constantly different on the weekends.  Travis is home, then he's not home, then he's home half a day on Monday...etc...So disturbing.  It's not good to have a whole lot of spare time in the house because he doesn't like to stay in the house and there's just never ending work to do at home..so we're just here trying to relax, but we can't.  There's constantly so much work to do that we just go around feeling resentful when one of us is taking a break.  We tend to be rather unforgiving toward one another because we both feel so overworked all the time. Trying to find happiness is difficult when you live in a dreary rainy forest all the time and the options are 'in the house' or 'in town.'

I have eaten dinner tonight already however.  It doesn't feel like almost 9 o'clock.  Perhaps that's because the kids went to bed late.  Probably.  That's because Travis wasn't home.  They would have been to bed on time if he were (or at least close). I either do not hold the same priorities or lack self-discipline.  Not sure. Probably both.  The second is for sure.  Sometimes I wish I could 'trick' myself into having more self-control...self-discipline.  I'd probably be happier.  For example, If i'd just get up about 10 or 15 minutes earlier in the morning, I would not be so rushed, would not be chronically late for work,..and probably be a bit happier because of it.  But I don't. I won't.  I cannot convince myself that it would make me happier.  I guess I just have a fear of being ready before I actually
need to leave the house, and therefor having deprived myself of precious sleep.

Speaking of sleep, I have been falling asleep to a wonderful, new (old) show I found on hulu.  McHale's Navy.  Great show.  I enjoy it at least.  Travis really seems to get a kick of it.  I got some pictures tonight of all three kids playing together.  The girls were thrilled Mickey was willing to hold their hand to play 'ring around the rosies' and run round and round the island in the kitchen. They even went extra slow for him.  Pretty cute.  I guess I ought to get around and get to bed.  I wonder if I have clean clothes for work tomorrow. ? 
 Guess I'll go see.

my opinion or yours?

I was thinking further on my previous blog of character and how one can be a more accurate judge of it.  Why write more on uncertain subjects for me?  I don't know..just because I want to figure out why it seems to be such a big deal.  I've noticed that the confident, successful, knowledgeable individuals of this world could not be further from uncertainty... or at least that's how they convey themselves.  Now I have been fooled by the confident, assuming what they speak of is trustworthy....and have found, (as previously mentioned) more often than not, arrogance and err to be a friend of this unambiguous, confident trait of character.  Now, if I had to ask myself if to contemplate on this thought may possibly violate the laws of contemplation, I would have to say...I don't think so. It may possibly prove to be productive.  This is a situation one must take a chance on, otherwise, one would never know...better to break the rules then to have never found out.  I am very flexible when it comes to following rules.  :)

Anyhow, why does it seem to be such a common theme to 'figure out' the authenticity of one's character?  I hear women doing it ALL the time (partly because I am not in the company of men or their discussions very often).  I believe I hear of it most often, and noticed in myself most often, that people are making judgements of character of those they may find have disturbing personalities working at a dissonance to their own... are particularly unusual for one reason or another, or just tend to be the pushy type.

Now that I've thought a bit further on it, I think it's all a bunch of bularkie.  That is not a real word as far as I know, and so any spelling I've chosen here could stand as correct and/or irrelevant.  I think if I had grown a brain of my own, than 'figuring out' other's character would become most insignificant.  If one could simply see past another's physical appearance, speaking skills, accents, odor (or lack thereof), age, life-experiences, sex, mannerisms, levels of self-confidence and attitude, then it would present as easier to focus on the content of what the person was actually saying.  Outside of that, If I were simply more confident in my own thoughts,  the content of what was being said would not be taken without knowing that any information is just that...information (ideas) presented with the bias of whomever is speaking.  I have made it a personal goal to think more about what people are saying and less about how they are presenting it (not that I keep a list of personal goals for myself).  I will from now on carefully consider what is being said and give my own thought to it.   After all, most discussions are not based on simple facts.  If they were, there would not be much point to having a discussion!  Having a brain of my own and attempting not to immediately form opinions off of other people's information is something I'm going to try. If I can form my own opinions by not assuming information presented to be correct or incorrect, but simply information that may be useful either way... should be a step in the right direction.  It all seems to have a bunch to do with self-confidence.  Gee, the entries lately have sounded a bit like a bunch of psycho-babble...just one subject after another...blah, blah, blah....but nevertheless, somehow useful to me....   

creatures of habit

Well, it’s March 6th.  Time is ticking away until we leave for Va. I am going to take a little nap. I’ve very tired and need to rest before the kids are ready to get up from their nap.  I can still hear them talking.  Please go to sleep.  I had a good time last night at a resturant with friends...We did just talk about work, but it’s always interesting to have a peak into another’s perspective on the ‘same’ experiences.  She is a pretty smart woman and I do enjoy her company.  I like talking to smart, socially adjusted people...but then again, I guess who doesn't?   One of the girls just fell out of bed. be right back. Had a good time at the playground on Post with the kids early this afternoon.  When the sun was out, it felt pretty nice out.  

Later on...As I was preparing our plates for dinner, I glanced at the picture of myself as an infant with my grandfather and I began to think about how not only both of our looks have changed over the last 29 years, but how we are both different people altogether.  We both have changed, though through different parts of our lives. It brought on a sad feeling to think of how my grandmother is no longer here with us as I looked at a an Easter decoration hung on the kitchen wall behind us knowing that it was most likely her, who had hung it there.  It then got me thinking about change and how it is just the essence of life and how it prepares us for that next part of our life journey.  I then began to wonder why, if change seems to be the essence of life,  we are such creatures of habit?  I suppose that the sort of 'habit' I am thinking of has nothing to do with the sort of change I am referring to.  

Perhaps we are creatures of habit only because if we were constantly adjusting to changes in our daily routine, we would not have the attention or focus to dedicate to higher -level thinking...Enough on change and habit.  


I was reading this great article: read it if you're interested in child development...copy and paste address Mom. 


http://www.newsweek.com/2008/06/03/is-ef-the-new-iq.html


Well, after so much time reading articles this evening, it's time to relax a little and hit the hay. :) 

a process

On my drives to and from work over the last couple days I have begun to think about 'processes' we go through in life.  This is certainly not the first time I have thought of different learning processes one may go through, but I had been thinking in particular about the process of learning  how to function in a new position at work.  The reason for this particular contemplation was on account of the fact that I have someone who has graciously attempted to 'help' me through my new position at work, as she has already played this particular role.  I am not about to criticize or praise this particular person's actions, however; I would have much to say if I were to do that. ha...that's why it's best if I don't. Besides, it would break the rules of contemplation as it would not prove to be productive. So, what I decided is that...her incessant advice from before I started until now, half-way through the job has proved to be disturbing NOT necessarily because her advice was not all accurate or inaccurate, but because what she does not realize is that a smart person is not going to do something because someone else tells them to do it a certain way because they have already done it.  That would be like asking someone to do something without any thought, which I think only a stupid person would do.  Obviously, if we all went around doing things as other people had done it JUST because they had found their way to be effective for them, we'd all be doing our jobs, raising our kids, cleaning our houses, anything we did, because someone else thought it was a good idea.  The fact of the matter is that we all need to figure out what works best the way we see it. That's the only way that new ideas surface, creative thought and whatever else takes place.  So, the next time you give someone advice because 'you've already done it,'  think about how people need to work through a 'process' or idea on their own...otherwise, it will would not be their unique accomplishment, (which will inevitably be different from your exact ideas)  and maybe even better for them or whoever else might be involved in that new, present situation (which will also inevitably be at least slightly different from the situation you had previously worked through).  I then realized that all learning 'processes' we go through in life are unique and certainly not meaningless just because someone had already 'figure it all out.'  There is no such thing as 'figured all out.'  We can all only figure out things for ourselves and then they are meaningful for different reasons to each one of us. I often feel unmotivated to carry out an idea or 'project' because I think of how many people have already done it...and it appears to be meaningless to me, but now, I believe I have come to realize that my thoughts on that were not accurate...that is really wonderful.

The picture posted is one that Travis's Dad sent me.  He knows I like the pictures of his calves.

So tired

I don't know why I was sooo tired today.  I was...and I still am.  Going to bed early.  ....like in 15 min, it will be near 8:00.  Our little chicks hatched out of their shells today and they appear to be doing well (by that I mean they're still breathing).  Tomorrow is the last day of February, which is exciting.  This coming Spring feels so significant because we will be making the move to Virginia.  I just can't wait for the weight of that hot sun and high levels of humidity to hit me.  It just feels like a warm, cozy blanket.  I can't wait.  I can't wait for tank tops and sunglasses..sunscreen and the beach...well, Travis doesn't like the beach much, but definitely tank tops and sunglasses.

I spent the entire afternoon cooking.  Travis loves the traditional meat and potatoes type of dinner.  Me too...but it can be somewhat time consuming. Thankfully, you have a lot of leftovers.  The kids don't care a whole lot for the roast, though, but will eat it if there's gravy more willingly.  Same thing with pork, hamburger, everything except fish.  It's ketchup or just a tomato sauce (which I prefer them to eat) with the pork and hamburger and gravy with the roast.  For some very strange reason the girls now prefer sweet potatoes over the mashed potatoes, they will eat the mashed without much fuss, but ask for the sweet.  Well, I guess they are sweeter.

Everything with the girls 'play' these days is Dora Dora Dora.  They re-enact the episodes, than take time to ask each other about their favorite parts..as is done in the show.  I didn't even know they were getting that part of the show.  They never respond to the t.v.  I guess maybe they know the television set isn't really capable of conversation! ha.  I don't know.  Anyhow.  So, back to work for Travis tomorrow.  One more day at home for me.  I plan on making Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies tomorrow.  Because our cake is gone.  Besides, if there was not more planned out then I could possibly do, it could be entirely disturbing.  If I find a spare bit of time lately, I simply don't know how to think correctly, I plant myself on the couch, (mostly b/c i'm tired) and then I begin to mindlessly read through face book comments, pictures, and I can't seem to snap out of it!  It's like I'm in a trance...and then when I'm done, I feel like I've dirtied my precious time with useless information.  Then I swear to not open the computer during my spare, tired, time.

I hope tomorrow I don't feel as tired.  I hope that I can have a good day with the kids, get some work done, and the cookies made...but we'll see.  I am preparing mentally for work on Tuesday.  At least I don't have to go to those stupid meetings every other Wednesday where all us SLPs get together from the district.  At times, certain information is brought up that is useful, but most times, not.  I will be using that time for paperwork, the special education director gave me permission to do so.  I think I should try and look for a job in Virginia tomorrow as well.  Well, off to a relaxing evening and an early bedtime!

Too inquisitive?

Do you have anyone in your life who is too inquisitive?  I suppose it is possible to ask too many questions.  I seems that questions which may have an apparent answer to Travis are those that cause the most eye-rolling, disgruntled facial expressions, along with the phrase "Come on, hun!"  This morning I asked 3 questions in succession as I watched him break open one of the eggs our baby chicks were supposed to have hatched out of.  That was not a good idea, however; I hadn't put much thought into it at the time.   It didn't ruffle his feathers too awfully much, it was just his insensitive response that made ME angry.  It doesn't seem to have quite have hit him yet that men and women do not take direct thoughts the same, mostly when they sound something like "why are you always bombarding me with 30 questions when I'm trying to do something!?"  A man's response to that might have been..."well, I wanted to know what you were doing and why"  ...then again, perhaps a man would not have asked so many questions.  I'm really not sure.   My thoughts were "gee, you're not trying to do brain surgery, you were breaking a hole in the shell of a dead bird."  A difference in personalities I suppose.   It's best not to take anything a man says 'personally.'  Why?  This is because most men do not take anything personally, and do not intend that the content of their communication will be taken personally...their simply spewing out the contents of what is momentarily on their mind.  That is why they find it so frustrating to try and be sensitive to your 'needs' and 'feelings.' That is, unless they happen to more on the feminine side of the feminine-masculinity bell curve.  Which is great for sensitivity, but not so much for other things you might expect out of your man.  It's a no-win situation no matter where the man falls on the curve. They will still have problems meeting all the requirements of the complex, tortured mind of the woman.  Sometimes I wish I had been born a male, but then I think given that sort of man-wiring, trying to please a woman may be a worse torture.  I'm just not sure.

breaking the rules

It's almost March.  It's so hard to do things exactly as your man partner wants you to do raising the kids.  We (men and women) have very different thoughts and feelings when it comes to our kids.  Well, men and women just think differently for the most part, period.  Men have a hard time understanding how it is that we wholeheartedly agree to be completely consistent, but than falter.  They don't seem to quite understand that tugging on our heart-strings and that compelling 'feeling' to go to our children (although sometimes irrational).  It often times feels worth it...even if it means breaking the rules...the rules of what we agreed on as a couple and having him be a little disgruntled (or quite angry).  I have heard several women say it, and it is very consoling to know that I am not the only one.  Quick scenario: Man:  "Why do you agree to something and then continue to do differently? "  Woman:  "I do agree to it, I think it's a great idea."  Man: "Then why don't you always do it?"  Woman:  I, personally, try to deny the fact that I've 'broken the rule' conveniently proposing some excuse as to why the rule could not apply at that time.  It doesn't work very well....but you have to give me credit for trying and attempting to maintain harmony into the evening.  I should stop that.  It's starting to make him even more angry I think.    (whispering) ...he knows i'm making excuses)  Ugh!  That is one time I wish my husband was dumber.  Pretty much the only time, but it is one instance I wish he were.  I'm gonna go eat- I'm starving due to the fact that I started writing this blog after the 'why are you breaking the rules' episode.

How to face tomorrow?

Tomorrow is a big day.  In some respects.  I have a lot of work yet to do tonight (preparing) as it is the new babysitter's first day...and she knows only what I've told her in the interview.  I have a pile of paperwork waiting for me on my dest at work and 15 kids to deliver speech therapy to...I might have to pick up another half-day or something.  I don't want to, but I'm not sure I'll be able to work it out another way.  Guess time will tell.

So, in exactly one more week, it will be only 4 more months until we move.  That is a great thought.  I have to get on looking for jobs in Virginia.  My working will definitely be necessary if we want to be able to fly our newly acquired plane.  My job will actually exist for that very reason..(and so I don't lose my sanity..I really think it is a benefit for the kids to have someone come in a couple days a week as well, with some new patience)!  It seems that the plane should make life a little more interesting too. .. Especially since we aren't able to do much right now with the kids all being so young.

After I told one of the girls to put their dirty plate on the counter instead of in the sink she responded "I'm sorry mama bear" as she was walking off toward her room with not even enough care to glance back.  That's from the 'Little Bear' dvd.  Hm, cute.

Well, I better get to making up the schedule for tomorrow and finish cleaning up the kitchen and folding the laundry.  I should have never sat down, I've gotten far too relaxed and now my butt feels like a block of cement on the couch.

one more day

It's one more day until Travis gets home.  I've done a terrible thing to myself not establishing any friendships here in Washington since we've arrived.  The problem is that I rarely meet another person who I'd really just like to hang out with.  That may sound arrogant.  It's not meant to be.  I do like to go out with other couples, that way, I'm spending time both with my husband and an acquaintance.  I say acquaintance because that's all I've got here.  You see, establishing a friendship can take much effort, some time, and after you've spent enough time with that person that they could be considered a 'friend' (whatever that all involves), you may come to the conclusion that you don't really want to be friends with that person...and so there you have it.  Alot of time invested with no real guarantee on a return.

I have two great friends from high school and two other fairly good friends also from high school that I could call up and feel like we hadn't missed much after not having seen each other in years.  But I had to go to high school...and so establishing friendships there was....just convenient.  As I see it, establishing a good friendship and finding a husband are/was equally as challenging!  And it took me a LONG TIME to find my husband.  But what a great one he is.  I'm also a lot more likely to say that when he's gone.  What.... is that they say?  "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"...or some such nonsense.  Well, it's true.  And it's a lie.  It has nothing to do with your true feelings of a person...it's just that when you no longer have someone you care deeply for, you tend to forget everything about that person you dislike...for some reason.  I'm not sure why.  Time is a funny thing!  Hu.

Now, don't go thinking that I don't see the value in friendships.  I really do. That's exactly why I'm writing on the subject.  Let me think of some of the best reasons to have friendships.  They are often with the same sex.  This is valuable as it can be a comfort to talk to someone that seems like they are 'made-up' of some of the same stuff.  This is vague, but try and think of having a conversation with your husband when all that is going through your mind is "I'd be better off talking to a brick wall." Often times this doesn't just go through my head, I find myself saying it out loud...with much expression.  :)

Anyhow,...friendships are valuable.  That is what I was getting at.  ...In a very round-about way.  Friendships are valuable, and I am lazy.  There, so that's two things I was getting at, which made my time invested in writing this more valuable.  How does someone write so much about so little?

Well, I guess that might be one nice thing about being a twin.  A convenient friendship.

another weekend

oh I just can't wait for summer!

Interviewed two babysitters yesterday.  It's almost a constant chore.  Took Travis to the airport at 4 this morning.  Took the kids..they didn't sleep much, but were good.  If the weather cooperates, he'll be coming back tomorrow night with our little Cessna.  I would like to think of going up into the air on Monday, but he still has one or two more flights before he has his license and then one more flight with an instructor in our plane, specifically.  So, I guess maybe a month or so.  Again, the weather will have to cooperate.  The weather here sucks.  It's like early Fall.... all the time. Ok. so we have 2 nice months of summer. Wooptey-doo.  Thank God we're moving at the end of June.  We've been waiting for this move since we showed up here.  People have interesting ways of describing the weather here...mild, beautiful, rainy, rarely snowy, fantastic summers and a long, warm Fall.  Talk about a bunch of optimists.  If you are thinking of moving to this part of Washington, to the west side of the mountains, a more accurate description is dark, wet, dreary, rain forest-like. Evidently, weather is like movies, you can get completely different perceptions on it.  But honestly, you should be warned that such phrases as 'sun-breaks' are used by the weather reporters here.  I just knew as soon as I heard that coming out of my t.v., I was doomed.  'Sun-breaks'...wow, and it really is true-if the sun manages to shine down through all the hovering pine trees (which only have greens near the top as there are way too many of them)  don't blink an eye!  Take off all your clothes and rush over to the window and get all of the vitamin D processed as possible...it will be a long time before that happens again.  Oh, and don't worry, nobody will notice you standing there naked in the window, everyone will be looking toward the sun.

Well, it always feels great to complain about the weather here.  Some people find complaining to be negative and nonconstructive, but when it comes to the weather, I find it to be quite liberating.  Oh, something great this morning driving home from the airport.  I asked the girls if they could see the moon out the window, and Madeline says "yes, we need a space shuttle!" If only it was that simple.  I love kids...I think it's their matter-of-fact opinions and endless smiles.

wants and needs

 v

You see,  one thing I misunderstood or assumed falsely is that young children only ask for things they need.  Well, what a lesson to learn the hard way! A VERY HARD WAY.  This is a bit embarrassing, but I actually thought that infants/toddlers only cried because they needed something.  Well, that is that they instinctively needed something important..of some psychological/emotional importance that consolation..a sympathetic ear, you know, some coddling was going to fulfill.  Come to find out/figure out the hard way, infants and children don't cry for that constant consolation because they are in need of psychological/emotional coddling..no, no, no, no, no.  No, not at all.  I mean, yes, I don't mean to say that infants don't need held and talked to, interacted with...of course not. I don't mean young toddlers don't need a good deal of attention for reading books, learning how to help out in the house, sung to, chased after...all that good stuff.  What I'm talking about is the fact that it's human nature (for most humans :) to be resistant to change, especially if it involves self-discipline! That goes for young or old! .... and there is no other time in our lives that we and our environments are changing so rapidly!  First, we're snatched from the womb.  Great.  Cold air, bright lights, nurses man-handeling you, and your food source is well, no longer hooked up to your belly!  We have to work for our food, learn how to exist outside of our mothers, than it's just one thing after another as far as well, any infant would ever want to know.

So, is the infant going to fight (cry) kicking and screaming through each new transition?... moving away from complete dependence in the womb to having to find ways to self-soothe at bed time and deal with Mom or Dad not constantly providing comfort amongst many other things?  Yes.  All this time, what my kids needed was for me to know that what they wanted was not what they needed.  Gee, that sounds so stupid typing it all out, but honestly, it's so hard to convince yourself of that when your baby has been screaming for 20 minutes after you put him/her to bed and you know there is nothing wrong except for the fact that you're not in there providing that comfort..which will never be enough until you decide their big enough..strong enough..whatever..or you are too tired to do it anymore!

So, I'm finally learning that babies need to learn from the get-go that they are not going to get EVERYTHING they want out of life..for now..or ever!  I'm now learning that we need to give our toddlers not what they want but give them more of what they'll need in life; self-confidence through insisting that they figure new things out through trial and err, to become self sufficient at things they are capable of doing, and then trying now to do things that they will  soon be able to do (and sooner than later if they work at it!).  They should know it's o.k. to fail, get help, and try again next time.  If our kids never do anything that is hard now with us insisting, than will they be prepared to do much harder things later without us both psychologically and emotionally?

 I knew I was far from the only one thinking that our society's attitude toward raising our kids has gone some-what askew when I was reading an article in a recent TIME magazine on 'tough parenting.'  It read, we should not continue to "assume fragility (in fear of our children breaking down), but assume strength".  After all, if we have to assume what our kids are capable or not capable of, assuming and expecting strength will serve them much better in life than walking on eggshells hoping they will somehow make it in their life journey of ups and downs.

Who's in control?

Kids know how much control they have and they know when they can be in charge.  They will take an inch and run with it! That's one reason I think parenting can be sooo exhausting!  You can throw away a lot of work by just letting go of some control for a few hours or a few incidents. So, again, consistency and firmness count.  And if you're thinking of being firm in that nice 'i'm serious voice, but there's no way you can tell because I haven't really changed my tone of voice, just the words' ....approach?  Good luck.  It probably will have no affect, and your kids really won't care about what it is you're saying or it may just confuse them that it sounds like you're being nice or 'playing' when they've done something that you didn't want them to.  I've tried it like society wanted me to, and it doesn't work.   It's the tone of voice that counts, not the volume...and it's not a condescending tone, It's just distinctly different from the I'm happy and everything is great tone-of-voice.  I try and yell only when it's completely necessary..and we all know those situations.  When you follow through with consequences immediately following your child's action, you'll find you don't get angry very often because you are taking real action when it matters (not giving in to those puppy dog looks when it's time for the consequence of undesirable behavior). You'll find you don't end up feeling angry and resentful because your kids are walking all over you. Instead, you'll feel a sense of respect and accomplishment!  You'll feel like their leader, and not a disrespected play-mate who also cooks their dinner and does their laundry!