So tired

I don't know why I was sooo tired today.  I was...and I still am.  Going to bed early.  ....like in 15 min, it will be near 8:00.  Our little chicks hatched out of their shells today and they appear to be doing well (by that I mean they're still breathing).  Tomorrow is the last day of February, which is exciting.  This coming Spring feels so significant because we will be making the move to Virginia.  I just can't wait for the weight of that hot sun and high levels of humidity to hit me.  It just feels like a warm, cozy blanket.  I can't wait.  I can't wait for tank tops and sunglasses..sunscreen and the beach...well, Travis doesn't like the beach much, but definitely tank tops and sunglasses.

I spent the entire afternoon cooking.  Travis loves the traditional meat and potatoes type of dinner.  Me too...but it can be somewhat time consuming. Thankfully, you have a lot of leftovers.  The kids don't care a whole lot for the roast, though, but will eat it if there's gravy more willingly.  Same thing with pork, hamburger, everything except fish.  It's ketchup or just a tomato sauce (which I prefer them to eat) with the pork and hamburger and gravy with the roast.  For some very strange reason the girls now prefer sweet potatoes over the mashed potatoes, they will eat the mashed without much fuss, but ask for the sweet.  Well, I guess they are sweeter.

Everything with the girls 'play' these days is Dora Dora Dora.  They re-enact the episodes, than take time to ask each other about their favorite parts..as is done in the show.  I didn't even know they were getting that part of the show.  They never respond to the t.v.  I guess maybe they know the television set isn't really capable of conversation! ha.  I don't know.  Anyhow.  So, back to work for Travis tomorrow.  One more day at home for me.  I plan on making Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies tomorrow.  Because our cake is gone.  Besides, if there was not more planned out then I could possibly do, it could be entirely disturbing.  If I find a spare bit of time lately, I simply don't know how to think correctly, I plant myself on the couch, (mostly b/c i'm tired) and then I begin to mindlessly read through face book comments, pictures, and I can't seem to snap out of it!  It's like I'm in a trance...and then when I'm done, I feel like I've dirtied my precious time with useless information.  Then I swear to not open the computer during my spare, tired, time.

I hope tomorrow I don't feel as tired.  I hope that I can have a good day with the kids, get some work done, and the cookies made...but we'll see.  I am preparing mentally for work on Tuesday.  At least I don't have to go to those stupid meetings every other Wednesday where all us SLPs get together from the district.  At times, certain information is brought up that is useful, but most times, not.  I will be using that time for paperwork, the special education director gave me permission to do so.  I think I should try and look for a job in Virginia tomorrow as well.  Well, off to a relaxing evening and an early bedtime!

Too inquisitive?

Do you have anyone in your life who is too inquisitive?  I suppose it is possible to ask too many questions.  I seems that questions which may have an apparent answer to Travis are those that cause the most eye-rolling, disgruntled facial expressions, along with the phrase "Come on, hun!"  This morning I asked 3 questions in succession as I watched him break open one of the eggs our baby chicks were supposed to have hatched out of.  That was not a good idea, however; I hadn't put much thought into it at the time.   It didn't ruffle his feathers too awfully much, it was just his insensitive response that made ME angry.  It doesn't seem to have quite have hit him yet that men and women do not take direct thoughts the same, mostly when they sound something like "why are you always bombarding me with 30 questions when I'm trying to do something!?"  A man's response to that might have been..."well, I wanted to know what you were doing and why"  ...then again, perhaps a man would not have asked so many questions.  I'm really not sure.   My thoughts were "gee, you're not trying to do brain surgery, you were breaking a hole in the shell of a dead bird."  A difference in personalities I suppose.   It's best not to take anything a man says 'personally.'  Why?  This is because most men do not take anything personally, and do not intend that the content of their communication will be taken personally...their simply spewing out the contents of what is momentarily on their mind.  That is why they find it so frustrating to try and be sensitive to your 'needs' and 'feelings.' That is, unless they happen to more on the feminine side of the feminine-masculinity bell curve.  Which is great for sensitivity, but not so much for other things you might expect out of your man.  It's a no-win situation no matter where the man falls on the curve. They will still have problems meeting all the requirements of the complex, tortured mind of the woman.  Sometimes I wish I had been born a male, but then I think given that sort of man-wiring, trying to please a woman may be a worse torture.  I'm just not sure.

breaking the rules

It's almost March.  It's so hard to do things exactly as your man partner wants you to do raising the kids.  We (men and women) have very different thoughts and feelings when it comes to our kids.  Well, men and women just think differently for the most part, period.  Men have a hard time understanding how it is that we wholeheartedly agree to be completely consistent, but than falter.  They don't seem to quite understand that tugging on our heart-strings and that compelling 'feeling' to go to our children (although sometimes irrational).  It often times feels worth it...even if it means breaking the rules...the rules of what we agreed on as a couple and having him be a little disgruntled (or quite angry).  I have heard several women say it, and it is very consoling to know that I am not the only one.  Quick scenario: Man:  "Why do you agree to something and then continue to do differently? "  Woman:  "I do agree to it, I think it's a great idea."  Man: "Then why don't you always do it?"  Woman:  I, personally, try to deny the fact that I've 'broken the rule' conveniently proposing some excuse as to why the rule could not apply at that time.  It doesn't work very well....but you have to give me credit for trying and attempting to maintain harmony into the evening.  I should stop that.  It's starting to make him even more angry I think.    (whispering) ...he knows i'm making excuses)  Ugh!  That is one time I wish my husband was dumber.  Pretty much the only time, but it is one instance I wish he were.  I'm gonna go eat- I'm starving due to the fact that I started writing this blog after the 'why are you breaking the rules' episode.

How to face tomorrow?

Tomorrow is a big day.  In some respects.  I have a lot of work yet to do tonight (preparing) as it is the new babysitter's first day...and she knows only what I've told her in the interview.  I have a pile of paperwork waiting for me on my dest at work and 15 kids to deliver speech therapy to...I might have to pick up another half-day or something.  I don't want to, but I'm not sure I'll be able to work it out another way.  Guess time will tell.

So, in exactly one more week, it will be only 4 more months until we move.  That is a great thought.  I have to get on looking for jobs in Virginia.  My working will definitely be necessary if we want to be able to fly our newly acquired plane.  My job will actually exist for that very reason..(and so I don't lose my sanity..I really think it is a benefit for the kids to have someone come in a couple days a week as well, with some new patience)!  It seems that the plane should make life a little more interesting too. .. Especially since we aren't able to do much right now with the kids all being so young.

After I told one of the girls to put their dirty plate on the counter instead of in the sink she responded "I'm sorry mama bear" as she was walking off toward her room with not even enough care to glance back.  That's from the 'Little Bear' dvd.  Hm, cute.

Well, I better get to making up the schedule for tomorrow and finish cleaning up the kitchen and folding the laundry.  I should have never sat down, I've gotten far too relaxed and now my butt feels like a block of cement on the couch.

one more day

It's one more day until Travis gets home.  I've done a terrible thing to myself not establishing any friendships here in Washington since we've arrived.  The problem is that I rarely meet another person who I'd really just like to hang out with.  That may sound arrogant.  It's not meant to be.  I do like to go out with other couples, that way, I'm spending time both with my husband and an acquaintance.  I say acquaintance because that's all I've got here.  You see, establishing a friendship can take much effort, some time, and after you've spent enough time with that person that they could be considered a 'friend' (whatever that all involves), you may come to the conclusion that you don't really want to be friends with that person...and so there you have it.  Alot of time invested with no real guarantee on a return.

I have two great friends from high school and two other fairly good friends also from high school that I could call up and feel like we hadn't missed much after not having seen each other in years.  But I had to go to high school...and so establishing friendships there was....just convenient.  As I see it, establishing a good friendship and finding a husband are/was equally as challenging!  And it took me a LONG TIME to find my husband.  But what a great one he is.  I'm also a lot more likely to say that when he's gone.  What.... is that they say?  "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"...or some such nonsense.  Well, it's true.  And it's a lie.  It has nothing to do with your true feelings of a person...it's just that when you no longer have someone you care deeply for, you tend to forget everything about that person you dislike...for some reason.  I'm not sure why.  Time is a funny thing!  Hu.

Now, don't go thinking that I don't see the value in friendships.  I really do. That's exactly why I'm writing on the subject.  Let me think of some of the best reasons to have friendships.  They are often with the same sex.  This is valuable as it can be a comfort to talk to someone that seems like they are 'made-up' of some of the same stuff.  This is vague, but try and think of having a conversation with your husband when all that is going through your mind is "I'd be better off talking to a brick wall." Often times this doesn't just go through my head, I find myself saying it out loud...with much expression.  :)

Anyhow,...friendships are valuable.  That is what I was getting at.  ...In a very round-about way.  Friendships are valuable, and I am lazy.  There, so that's two things I was getting at, which made my time invested in writing this more valuable.  How does someone write so much about so little?

Well, I guess that might be one nice thing about being a twin.  A convenient friendship.

another weekend

oh I just can't wait for summer!

Interviewed two babysitters yesterday.  It's almost a constant chore.  Took Travis to the airport at 4 this morning.  Took the kids..they didn't sleep much, but were good.  If the weather cooperates, he'll be coming back tomorrow night with our little Cessna.  I would like to think of going up into the air on Monday, but he still has one or two more flights before he has his license and then one more flight with an instructor in our plane, specifically.  So, I guess maybe a month or so.  Again, the weather will have to cooperate.  The weather here sucks.  It's like early Fall.... all the time. Ok. so we have 2 nice months of summer. Wooptey-doo.  Thank God we're moving at the end of June.  We've been waiting for this move since we showed up here.  People have interesting ways of describing the weather here...mild, beautiful, rainy, rarely snowy, fantastic summers and a long, warm Fall.  Talk about a bunch of optimists.  If you are thinking of moving to this part of Washington, to the west side of the mountains, a more accurate description is dark, wet, dreary, rain forest-like. Evidently, weather is like movies, you can get completely different perceptions on it.  But honestly, you should be warned that such phrases as 'sun-breaks' are used by the weather reporters here.  I just knew as soon as I heard that coming out of my t.v., I was doomed.  'Sun-breaks'...wow, and it really is true-if the sun manages to shine down through all the hovering pine trees (which only have greens near the top as there are way too many of them)  don't blink an eye!  Take off all your clothes and rush over to the window and get all of the vitamin D processed as possible...it will be a long time before that happens again.  Oh, and don't worry, nobody will notice you standing there naked in the window, everyone will be looking toward the sun.

Well, it always feels great to complain about the weather here.  Some people find complaining to be negative and nonconstructive, but when it comes to the weather, I find it to be quite liberating.  Oh, something great this morning driving home from the airport.  I asked the girls if they could see the moon out the window, and Madeline says "yes, we need a space shuttle!" If only it was that simple.  I love kids...I think it's their matter-of-fact opinions and endless smiles.

wants and needs

 v

You see,  one thing I misunderstood or assumed falsely is that young children only ask for things they need.  Well, what a lesson to learn the hard way! A VERY HARD WAY.  This is a bit embarrassing, but I actually thought that infants/toddlers only cried because they needed something.  Well, that is that they instinctively needed something important..of some psychological/emotional importance that consolation..a sympathetic ear, you know, some coddling was going to fulfill.  Come to find out/figure out the hard way, infants and children don't cry for that constant consolation because they are in need of psychological/emotional coddling..no, no, no, no, no.  No, not at all.  I mean, yes, I don't mean to say that infants don't need held and talked to, interacted with...of course not. I don't mean young toddlers don't need a good deal of attention for reading books, learning how to help out in the house, sung to, chased after...all that good stuff.  What I'm talking about is the fact that it's human nature (for most humans :) to be resistant to change, especially if it involves self-discipline! That goes for young or old! .... and there is no other time in our lives that we and our environments are changing so rapidly!  First, we're snatched from the womb.  Great.  Cold air, bright lights, nurses man-handeling you, and your food source is well, no longer hooked up to your belly!  We have to work for our food, learn how to exist outside of our mothers, than it's just one thing after another as far as well, any infant would ever want to know.

So, is the infant going to fight (cry) kicking and screaming through each new transition?... moving away from complete dependence in the womb to having to find ways to self-soothe at bed time and deal with Mom or Dad not constantly providing comfort amongst many other things?  Yes.  All this time, what my kids needed was for me to know that what they wanted was not what they needed.  Gee, that sounds so stupid typing it all out, but honestly, it's so hard to convince yourself of that when your baby has been screaming for 20 minutes after you put him/her to bed and you know there is nothing wrong except for the fact that you're not in there providing that comfort..which will never be enough until you decide their big enough..strong enough..whatever..or you are too tired to do it anymore!

So, I'm finally learning that babies need to learn from the get-go that they are not going to get EVERYTHING they want out of life..for now..or ever!  I'm now learning that we need to give our toddlers not what they want but give them more of what they'll need in life; self-confidence through insisting that they figure new things out through trial and err, to become self sufficient at things they are capable of doing, and then trying now to do things that they will  soon be able to do (and sooner than later if they work at it!).  They should know it's o.k. to fail, get help, and try again next time.  If our kids never do anything that is hard now with us insisting, than will they be prepared to do much harder things later without us both psychologically and emotionally?

 I knew I was far from the only one thinking that our society's attitude toward raising our kids has gone some-what askew when I was reading an article in a recent TIME magazine on 'tough parenting.'  It read, we should not continue to "assume fragility (in fear of our children breaking down), but assume strength".  After all, if we have to assume what our kids are capable or not capable of, assuming and expecting strength will serve them much better in life than walking on eggshells hoping they will somehow make it in their life journey of ups and downs.

Who's in control?

Kids know how much control they have and they know when they can be in charge.  They will take an inch and run with it! That's one reason I think parenting can be sooo exhausting!  You can throw away a lot of work by just letting go of some control for a few hours or a few incidents. So, again, consistency and firmness count.  And if you're thinking of being firm in that nice 'i'm serious voice, but there's no way you can tell because I haven't really changed my tone of voice, just the words' ....approach?  Good luck.  It probably will have no affect, and your kids really won't care about what it is you're saying or it may just confuse them that it sounds like you're being nice or 'playing' when they've done something that you didn't want them to.  I've tried it like society wanted me to, and it doesn't work.   It's the tone of voice that counts, not the volume...and it's not a condescending tone, It's just distinctly different from the I'm happy and everything is great tone-of-voice.  I try and yell only when it's completely necessary..and we all know those situations.  When you follow through with consequences immediately following your child's action, you'll find you don't get angry very often because you are taking real action when it matters (not giving in to those puppy dog looks when it's time for the consequence of undesirable behavior). You'll find you don't end up feeling angry and resentful because your kids are walking all over you. Instead, you'll feel a sense of respect and accomplishment!  You'll feel like their leader, and not a disrespected play-mate who also cooks their dinner and does their laundry! 

I made a delicious potato recipe tonight.  I LOVE making new recipes when they turn out just delicious the first time.  It is such a gratifying experience...especially if it LOOKS good.  Then I get to share it with my husband and kids..and they all just love my cooking!  Which makes me feel great.  OK., so, my kids will eat just about anything..and yeah..Travis isn't really very picky...at all...  Nevertheless, it feels great.  Well, enough on the topic of food.
The girls tried their little whining/fussing "mom, I need this, mom, I got hurt, mom, I gotta poop" ploy after putting them to bed tonight.  Travis wasn't home... and they knew it.  They know i'm softer... they give their best, until I let them know I'm not buying into it.  I have to give them credit.  Kids are smart, they know.  So, tonight, to let them know I wasn't about to spend my evening being tortured by the two of them, I told them that if they weren't going to be nice and go to sleep, they would not be getting their cereal in the morning (they usually get oatmeal) just like the three little kittens did not get their pie (a story the know and love).  "Ok, I'll be good," said Madeline.  "I wasn't fussing," says Amelia.  Ok then, "good night" I told them.   Not another sound came from the room.

Where to start...

Making a chicken marinade with Uncle Brad :) 

I wanted to begin writing...but where to start?  I'm not sure, but I can always go back...and...rearrange, delete...edit.  If there's one theme that seems to keeps popping up all the time, relating to child-rearing and my own personal life, it's...PERSPECTIVE.  Perspective, perspective, perspective.  When it comes to people, everything revolves around our perspective.  As adults, we unfortunately create and determine our own.  When we were just little squirts, our parents (hopefully) helped us by creating a perspective that would help us make choices that were best for us.

There are MANY things we want our kids to do.  That is...for their own good.... for their health, for their happiness...for EVERYONE'S happiness in the house!  Often how we do this, is by changing their perspective.  This is how I get my kids to eat their vegetables, stay in bed at night, not throw tantrums, not pee in their pants, say please and thank you, sit down in the grocery cart, and listen to me when I tell them it's time to leave the park.  In our house, there are no 'tricks' to good behavior.  Apart from altering our little angels' thoughts about what might be a good idea and what might NOT be, in these pre-toddler and toddler stages, we have found it best to stick to a few rules as parents, which are...CONSISTENCY and SIMPLICITY.  Whether you realize it or not, your kids love these two things.  Apply it to anything and everything, and it will NOT fail you!

Why not?

There have been a few things that I have aspired to do in my life...and I've managed to single-handedly shoot them down. It's not hard to talk yourself out of something that isn't completely necessary.  But as of lately, I've began to think a little differently.  Having kids makes time FLY by.  I mean honestly, so much that I felt like I experienced a premature mid-life crisis for about a year after the twins turned a year old or so.  Life passing one by so quickly makes one want to do something that gives one a sense of accomplishment regardless if it means anything to anyone else.  As I mentioned earlier, I love to write...and so, that is precisely what I'm going to do.  I'm going to write.  I'm going to write about what it is I have learned in this past 2.5 years of being a wife and parent.  Being a parent and sharing ideas back and forth with my husband has taught me so much about myself and about kids...people in general.  After all, we are all just a bunch of kids years later...hopefully... just with higher levels of self-discipline and a broader perspective :)

Well, I'm getting my evening on a little better schedule.  Kids were to bed by 6:30 (or very close), finished up my garlic-rosemary chicken and the kids lunch ready for tomorrow by 7:30, workout until 8:00, kitchen clean by 8:30, shower done by 8:50...and now it's time to write. Than I'll have approximately one hour to relax... than it will all be here to do over again tomorrow.

Due to the nature of my work...and my current life, I do a lot of thinking about how us Americans are raising our kids.  I work with kids between the ages of 3 and 5 all day.  One after another.  Than I come home to my two girls who are 2 years old and Mickey, who is 18 months old.  So you can see why this train of thought tends to linger.  I deal with it ALL THE TIME.  It's become a rather fascinating topic to me as my kids have grown from tiny screaming creatures into young ladies and a little man with his own mind.
      
I thought I had it all figured out.  I spent a fair amount of my spare time with my younger cousins (loving every minute of it), than as I got older, babysitting..and than watching my friend's children.  I seemed to have all the necessary qualities for a good caregiver.  Patience, a soft voice, a true interest in teaching, blah blah blah.  Married life with three under 3 has brought out in me, well, these qualities I've mentioned and a few more...less desirable.  It turns out, I was unaware of some pretty important points when it comes to raising well behaved, capable kids.  Who clued me in?  You'll never guess. A man.  My husband.

Monday night...it's back to work tomorrow. I work three days/week.  It feels like a good balance. Although after 4 days off each week, going back on Tuesday, I always wonder if I'll remember what all the scribbles mean taken on scattered sticky notes hanging off my desk.  I also then begin to wonder how it is I can do a 'good job' at work when I have so many kids to see and so much to learn in such a short time.  I continue, however; to give it my best.

Everything is ready for the sitter tomorrow. Food prepared for the kids' lunch, kitchen counters wiped down, the floor wiped down (even though I haven't properly washed it in probably weeks...