You see, one thing I misunderstood or assumed falsely is that young children only ask for things they need. Well, what a lesson to learn the hard way! A VERY HARD WAY. This is a bit embarrassing, but I actually thought that infants/toddlers only cried because they needed something. Well, that is that they instinctively needed something important..of some psychological/emotional importance that consolation..a sympathetic ear, you know, some coddling was going to fulfill. Come to find out/figure out the hard way, infants and children don't cry for that constant consolation because they are in need of psychological/emotional coddling..no, no, no, no, no. No, not at all. I mean, yes, I don't mean to say that infants don't need held and talked to, interacted with...of course not. I don't mean young toddlers don't need a good deal of attention for reading books, learning how to help out in the house, sung to, chased after...all that good stuff. What I'm talking about is the fact that it's human nature (for most humans :) to be resistant to change, especially if it involves self-discipline! That goes for young or old! .... and there is no other time in our lives that we and our environments are changing so rapidly! First, we're snatched from the womb. Great. Cold air, bright lights, nurses man-handeling you, and your food source is well, no longer hooked up to your belly! We have to work for our food, learn how to exist outside of our mothers, than it's just one thing after another as far as well, any infant would ever want to know.
So, is the infant going to fight (cry) kicking and screaming through each new transition?... moving away from complete dependence in the womb to having to find ways to self-soothe at bed time and deal with Mom or Dad not constantly providing comfort amongst many other things? Yes. All this time, what my kids needed was for me to know that what they wanted was not what they needed. Gee, that sounds so stupid typing it all out, but honestly, it's so hard to convince yourself of that when your baby has been screaming for 20 minutes after you put him/her to bed and you know there is nothing wrong except for the fact that you're not in there providing that comfort..which will never be enough until you decide their big enough..strong enough..whatever..or you are too tired to do it anymore!
So, I'm finally learning that babies need to learn from the get-go that they are not going to get EVERYTHING they want out of life..for now..or ever! I'm now learning that we need to give our toddlers not what they want but give them more of what they'll need in life; self-confidence through insisting that they figure new things out through trial and err, to become self sufficient at things they are capable of doing, and then trying now to do things that they will soon be able to do (and sooner than later if they work at it!). They should know it's o.k. to fail, get help, and try again next time. If our kids never do anything that is hard now with us insisting, than will they be prepared to do much harder things later without us both psychologically and emotionally?
I knew I was far from the only one thinking that our society's attitude toward raising our kids has gone some-what askew when I was reading an article in a recent TIME magazine on 'tough parenting.' It read, we should not continue to "assume fragility (in fear of our children breaking down), but assume strength". After all, if we have to assume what our kids are capable or not capable of, assuming and expecting strength will serve them much better in life than walking on eggshells hoping they will somehow make it in their life journey of ups and downs.
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